Shit My Boss Says

A few summers ago I worked at a store owned by a couple. A typical ma and pop operation, as you might imagine, wasn’t very busy for the majority of the summer. Needless to say, there were long hours and lots of laughs. My coworkers and I got to hear the wisdom (and some unwelcome truths) from the owner/operator/globe collector.

globe

(Yes, we worked surrounded by over 100 globes – which was actually pretty cool.)

These are a few of the most memorable quotes:

“I don’t believe in recycling.”

Not because he was against the environment or was lazy. He just didn’t think that they actually separated anything. An elaborate government hoax, he was convinced that it was pointless to recycle since it would all end up in the landfill anyways.

“I don’t eat McDonald’s ice cream or any of that soft serve stuff. It’s not cream, it’s oil based.”

This one freaked me out because it’s so true. It just doesn’t get hard like cream, it stays soft like oil or margarine. So you’re downing a big fat thing of oil/margarine… I’ll stick to the cream.

“Vegetarians can’t eat marshmallows.”

It’s hard to hear this when you’re not ready for it, so I apologize if you were still in the dark and I just ruined it for you. Marshmallows are weird to begin with, but then you find out their made with gelatin, which is made from animal bones, and then they’re even weirder.

“I have a theory that people with those special license plates are bad drivers.”

Not completely unfounded, and supported by my co-worker/best friend’s theory that people with stuff hanging from their rear view are bad drivers. Despite his own questionable (read: aggressive) driving, he did save us from getting hit with a tire that blew on the highway on the way to a school sale.

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